If you are reading this page, I am going to assume that you or your partner work in law enforcement, are a firefighter, or have an affiliation with the military. First, Thank You for your service and sacrifice! You make our community and world safer and in very real sense, better. Thank you.
As you know firsthand, folks who work in the military and para-military fields generally, have some unique personalities, character traits, and responsibilities. The heavy weight of responsibility, confidentiality, and at times top secret information, naturally forms an alliance and commradery on the job. A high level of trust is formed within the 'brotherhood'. This is also then, extended to the families of military or first responders, who are also a part of the inner circle of trust. It is precisely because of these unique roles and responsibilities you carry, which distinguishes you from the civilian population. It is also a because of these unique roles and responsibilities, that your closest relationships bear extra challenges.
Traditionally, first responders and soldiers have been suspicious of and have tended to avoid settings that apply words such as emotion, bonding, attachment, and therapy. If this is true for you, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) should not scare you off! EFT couples therapy is an empirically based approach, and works especially well for those who work in a high stress or trauma environment. It provides a way of forming a safe haven relationship with your partner. This is a relationship that is a secure base from which you can go confidently and courageously into the world. When you have a secure base at home, it is easier and safer to focus your attention at work.
In session, we will apply Emotionally Focused Therapy in a highly tactical way. We will reframe your unique strengths (e.g., compartmentalizing, turning down emotions, focusing on "fixing the problem", etc.) in a way that can help your relationship, rather than view it as a hinderance and problem. You can develop resiliency for your strengths, knowing when they bring benefit (and to therefore utilize them) and knowing when they obstruct (and to therefore set them aside). Through Emotionally Focused Therapy, you can strengthen your secure base at home providing you with a safe and strong partnership.
Here's a great article on how Emotionally Focused Therapy has been helpful for police officers and their intimate partners in Denver, CO: